Sent to you by Chris Hunter via Google Reader:
Niche products on the Internet are often the subject of ridicule, especially on big retail websites like Amazon where user feedback is encouraged. Often these "reviews" make for a hilarious read, as communities around the net pick up on and continue to share the joke.
Over the years Amazon has taken down a considerable number of these parody reviews, though many still remain. These products have some of the funniest and cleverest reviews on the Internet, with some racking up hundreds of sarcastic submissions from would-be comedians.
Each item has at least a page or two of content, so there should be enough here to stop you doing any real shopping today!
For those of you not familiar with Katie Price (or "Jordan" as she is known) and Peter Andre then I refer you to around 15 seconds (or however much you can stand) of this video. Acquainted? Good, because the reviews on Amazon probably (don't) sum up exactly how you're feeling.
"If you can imagine a soothing blend of jojoba oils, vanilla, and WD40 being poured into both ear holes simultaneously, then you will have only been able to scratch the surface of the feast of pleasure that is Katie And Pete's "A Whole New World" Album" wrote one fan, and there are many more who were equally as moved.
"We still use it in the Accident and Emergency ward at work as an alternative anaesthetic; it's cheap, and it renders the unsuspecting patient motionless and numbed," claimed a punter.
Whoever thought that putting a tank up for sale on Amazon was a good idea probably didn't think it through. The item has actually been out of stock for years, though the 250+ customer reviews remain strong.
However, this battle-ready behemoth has clearly touched a few hearts: "For urban driving, the Badonkadonk is terrific; equipped with an upgraded 400 terawatt subwoofer, it strikes terror wherever it goes. When we get stalled on the George Washington Bridge, we pull out the lounge chairs and watch reruns of "Knight Rider" on the DVD player," admitted a fan.
According to Ron, the Badonkadonk has even settled neighbourhood disputes: "My neighbors used to get mad when the dog "Wally" would use their yard as a bathroom — not any more. In fact, they don't get mad when I do it either."
This little collection goes to show that even the cheapest and most basic items aren't safe from the Internet's sense of humour – pens that cost a mere 25 pence (41 cents). "Worked fine with my right hand, but when I came to use my left hand my writing came out looking like the work of a complete imbecile," warns one shopper.
Importers beware, apparently this one's region locked: "Because of the region differences, my imported pen will not work with region 1 8 1/2 x 11 inch letter-size paper – it only works on European (A4 and such) paper … I have looked up some so called "gray paper" import companies but I don't know if I altogether trust them."
Personally I'd recommend not buying foodstuffs from Amazon, and a few reviewers clearly feel the same way. In fact there are over 1,000 reviews for this gallon jug of milk, with the finest arguably being this lengthy poem and a tale of milk and love.
Greg, however, found a few problems "Initial set up of the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz is easy, just unscrew the cap and remove the liner. It has a surprisingly rich set of standalone and integrated food possibilities and the addition of vitamin D was a bonus … however, I find that this product quickly becomes unstable (even without overclocking) to the point that it is no longer usable."
No giggling at the back, this is a valid medical training tool! Then again, you can't list it on Amazon and not expect the following reviews. Especially when you're charging close to $150…
Stuck for gift ideas? So was one reviewer: "I was going to give my wife a pair of diamond stud earrings, and my kids were going to get an Xbox w/Kinect, but now, nuh-uh. It's male testicular exam models for everyone!"
"WOW!" writes LeeAnne, "what a difference they have made in my life. No longer do I quake with fear at the slightest stressor. I am able to stride forward in my life with confidence…the kind of confidence that only a set of hairless, tumor-riddled testicles can give you."
Probably the most famous Amazon product for all the wrong reasons, this t-shirt featuring not one, not two but three wolves all howling at the moon in unison has been celebrated with some of the funniest and most far-fetched reviews on the site.
Some elude to its incredible power: "I can honestly say I've never looked back. I don't wear anything else. Literally. Sure, I've been arrested in every major supermarket for being naked from the waist down and limited washing has meant that I smell faintly of mushroom, but the wolves are a greater power and I no longer recognise Earth's laws."
Whereas others warn against it: "I cannot recommend purchase of this shirt. Though its attractions are obvious and keenly felt by me I believe that it puts its wearer on a different plane to the other humans which – while flattering – will ultimately lead to isolation and loneliness."
Check them all out, they're great.
You can pretty much sell anything on the Internet these days but you're always at risk of attracting this kind of attention (sometimes with even the most mundane products). I dare say some of the products featured here have enjoyed boosted sales, better exposure and ultimately stick in the mind of those who have read the reviews.
Have you got any favourite funny Amazon reviews? Any ridiculous products you've found lately? Let us know in the comments!
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